Current:Home > ScamsDo narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups. -FundTrack
Do narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups.
View
Date:2025-04-18 00:11:06
If you've been discarded by a narcissist, you likely know the pain and rumination that follows a sudden breakup.
But how do narcissists feel when relationships ends? Do they experience heartbreak?
It's a complicated question − and mental health experts say the answer hinges on several factors, including what type of narcissist they are, if there's another person they're interested in who's readily available and if they had a say in ending the relationship.
"Do they have a broken heart? I mean, it's not fair for me to say they don't," says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist." "They experience their broken heart though as very shameful, because it feels weak and vulnerable to them."
What does love mean to a narcissist?
Narcissists − in addition to their grandiosity and need for attention and validation − lack empathy. In other words, they care about themselves and not others.
It's a common myth, however, that narcissists don't have feelings.
"They actually do have feelings. They have very big feelings. They just have feelings for themselves and not for you," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Narcissists don't feel love in the same way non-narcissists do, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse." They don't love their partner; they love the narcissistic supply, or the attention and validation, that person brings them.
Therefore, if a narcissist feels heartbreak, it's mainly about the loss of supply, rather than the loss of the person.
"They're sad to lose something that worked for them," Cole says. "If you lost your favorite purse or lost your favorite possession or something that meant a lot to you, you would be sad about losing that thing that was important, because of what it did for you or how it made you feel."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Plus, telling a narcissist "no" − which essentially is what breaking up with them does − wounds their ego, resulting in what's called narcissistic injury. This serves as a stark reminder that their grandiose sense of self is merely an illusion.
"They work very hard to maintain this view of themselves, that they are the best, that they're the most attractive, that they're the smartest, that everyone would want to be with them," Cole says. "When you break up with them, you're essentially saying, 'Actually, that's not true, and you're not this grandiose person that you want to believe you are.' "
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
How the narcissist feels depends on how the relationship ended
When a narcissist's fragile ego gets hurt, all hell can break loose, and it's not uncommon for them to lash out by stalking or launching smear campaigns against their exes.
They also might try showering their exes with displays of affection in order to win them back, Durvasula says.
On the flip side, narcissists can also move on quite callously if they're the ones who initiated the breakup. Durvasula says narcissists discard partners once they grow bored of their supply and start craving a new source.
"It's often another person, or it's another opportunity, but whatever it is, it's shinier than that person they were with," Durvasula says.
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
Cole says narcissists also initiate breakups when their partners become "too difficult to manipulate or control."
"A lot of times, if you get healthier, the narcissist will start getting more frustrated with you," she says. "The better you get at setting boundaries and knowing your truth and not engaging with them, the more frustrated they get."
Is your teenager narcissistic?Probably, but that’s OK. Here’s why.
Heartbroken over a narcissist? Keep this in mind:
Sarkis encourages people who have been discarded by narcissists to focus on themselves. This, she says, in an important step in healing your own heartbreak.
More:Narcissists often try to win back their exes with ‘hoovering;’ experts say it’s emotional blackmail.
"When you're in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist makes the focus so much about them that when you leave the relationship − whether that's voluntary, involuntary − you're very focused on them," she says. "It's time to take that power back."
Plus, prioritizing your health and happiness also happens to be the best revenge.
"Narcissists don't like to see you happy," Cole says. "And so, the best way to really get revenge against the narcissist after a breakup is to be happy, is to fully invest in your life knowing that, yes, they are upset that you're happy, because you're showing them that you can be happy without them. You can survive without them."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (86)
Related
- Costco membership growth 'robust,' even amid fee increase: What to know about earnings release
- Nepal earthquake kills at least 157 and buries families in rubble of collapsed homes
- Ryan Blaney earns 1st career NASCAR championship and gives Roger Penske back-to-back Cup titles
- Stock market today: Asian markets advance after Wall Street logs its best week in nearly a year
- McConnell absent from Senate on Thursday as he recovers from fall in Capitol
- Katy Perry's daughter Daisy Dove steals the show at pop star's Las Vegas residency finale
- US senators seek answers from Army after reservist killed 18 in Maine
- Savannah Chrisley Shows How Romance With Robert Shiver Just Works With PDA Photos
- EU countries double down on a halt to Syrian asylum claims but will not yet send people back
- Taylor Swift Proves She's Travis Kelce’s No. 1 Fan Amid His Major NFL Milestone
Ranking
- Global Warming Set the Stage for Los Angeles Fires
- Biden weighs in on Virginia midterm elections in last-minute push before Election Day
- Teen arrested in Southern California restaurant shooting that injured 4 last month
- See Rachel Zegler Catch Fire in Recreation of Katniss' Dress at Hunger Games Prequel Premiere
- Man can't find second winning lottery ticket, sues over $394 million jackpot, lawsuit says
- Katy Perry's daughter Daisy Dove steals the show at pop star's Las Vegas residency finale
- Ryan Blaney wins first NASCAR Cup championship as Ross Chastain takes final race of 2023
- In the Florida Everglades, a Greenhouse Gas Emissions Hotspot
Recommendation
Why Sean "Diddy" Combs Is Being Given a Laptop in Jail Amid Witness Intimidation Fears
Michigan mayoral races could affect Democrats’ control of state government
US regulators to review car-tire chemical deadly to salmon after request from West Coast tribes
Trial opens for ex-top Baltimore prosecutor charged with perjury tied to property purchases
Toyota to invest $922 million to build a new paint facility at its Kentucky complex
Michigan mayoral races could affect Democrats’ control of state government
When is daylight saving time? Here's when we 'spring forward' in 2024
Megan Fox Addresses Complicated Relationships Ahead of Pretty Boys Are Poisonous: Poems Release